


Ain't No Happy Ending (except, sometimes, it is)

by Lunarwolfik



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-06
Updated: 2010-12-06
Packaged: 2017-10-13 13:18:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/137810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunarwolfik/pseuds/Lunarwolfik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So <a href="http://presently.dreamwidth.org/profile"><img/></a><a href="http://presently.dreamwidth.org/"><b>presently</b></a> prompted me with "Dwight, Pam, Jim. 'Dwight, I thought we were closer than that?'" and this is where my brain went. *hands* I don't even know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ain't No Happy Ending (except, sometimes, it is)

  
If someone had told Pam a few months ago that she would be letting Dwight visit her house every day to rock Cici into blessed quiet and allow her a few minutes of uninterrupted rest, she quite probably would have laughed in their face. One might have even called said laughter slightly hysterical. However, when it turns out that Cici persists in crying at Jim’s funny faces and hopeful “shhhsss” or Pam’s baby-book approved rocking motions, well…as much as it pains her to say it, Dwight’s they’re only hope. After the party at Gabe’s and the realization that Dwight had some sort of anti-crying baby magic, Pam knows that they have no choice.

Which is how Dwight ends up visiting their house everyday after work to rock Cici and keep her blessedly quiet for an hour or so while they get some nice nap time of their own. It’s a system, not a great system, but a system that keeps her from wanting to stab things in sleep-deprived desperation and Jim from falling asleep standing up. Dwight gets pizza and mocking rights and a few less pranks played on him, so it’s a win all around.

When Dwight starts bringing over really Schrute-centric toys for Cici, like a block of wood that’s “good for whittling” when she’s older or a plush beet, Pam pretends not to notice. When he starts to stay a little longer than usual and they all end up playing with Cici, trying to teach her to say “Mama” or “Dada” or “Be afraid of bears,” Pam tries not to think about it.

Jim slowly stops being so edgy around Dwight and Pam catches a genuine conversation between the two of them one night about the merits of Battlestar Galactic (because somehow they’d been suckered into watching it over a few nights, Dwight rocking Cici and insisting that if he is to continue playing babysitter, they should at least have the courtesy to raise her on quality TV).

A few weeks into their arrangement, the office starts to give them weird looks. When she shares pictures of Cici around the office, Dwight’s smile is less forced than everyone elses and he usually makes a comment about her prime choice in faux-parental figures. He also starts to look up baby-related things on his computer, which Phyllis eyes skeptically, casting glances between him and Angela in what Pam’s pretty sure is her way of looking for more gossip. Or trying to tell Angela that Dwight is doing something weird. Rumors speculate and Jim smirks when Andy suddenly congratulates Dwight on his recent fatherhood with genuine warmth. Dwight’s flustered confusion is a bonus and Jim out and out laughs when Andy asks how Dwight knew being a sperm donor was right for him.

Dwight flounders spectacularly and demands to know who’s been spreading rumors. Phyllis laughs and points out that he’s been doing baby research on his computer. Dwight denies, denies, denies. When she asks to see his internet history to prove her wrong, he says that that’s an invasion of privacy. Oscar, in the mean time, had drifted over at the hilarity and was already on it. “There’s five different web pages about babies on here, Dwight,” he pipes in during Phyllis’ badgering.

“They’re for a client!” Dwight says defensively, shooing Oscar away from his desk.

“None of your clients have kids Dwight, I checked,” Phyllis continues, looking rather pleased with her investigative prowess.

Dwight begins to turn a rather amusing shade of red and Pam doesn’t know how this one’s gonna go. They’d made a deal that the office didn’t need to be involved in their little arragnement. (Really, Pam didn’t want to be judged and she _knew_ there would be judgments, it was the _office_ and god forbid if Michael found out, he was already pouting enough about the fact that he wasn’t the godfather. If he found out Dwight was sorta their permanent babysitter, he’d mope for _days_ and probably cause a scene.)

She watches everything unfold in something like slow motion, Jim caught half-laughing and half-concerned, before shooting her a look that translates to ‘shit, what do we do’, Andy’s asks if this means Dwight _hadn’t_ donated his sperm, and Oscar’s still scrolling through sites with bonus commentary. After a few seconds, she can actually see the moment that Dwight hits his mockery limit.

“I’m babysitting for Jim and Pam every day because their baby likes me more!” He finally cries out, sighing in relief as semi-shocked gasps travel between everyone.

Pam scowls, she can feel it. Jim’s amused face vanishes, replaced by his burgeoning stern parental one.

“Tha-that is blatantly untrue,” Pam finally says after what she knows is too long to sound convincing.

“I knew you people were bad parents,” Angela scoffs, before shooting Dwight a look that said she was happy to know Dwight was prime father material. _Yep, office judgments? Called it_ , Pam thinks dejectedly.

“We are _not_ bad parents!” Jim says, skating along the edge of anger.

“And Cici does not like you more, Dwight,” Pam adds, standing up and feeling almost hurt at Dwight’s callousness. Almost.

“Her gaze is more focused on me and she tilts her head up when I’m there, she stops crying only when I rock her, and she liked Brett the Beet more than your stuffed cat toys. Plus, I’ve never lost her. Clearly, I’m her favorite,” Dwight responds, his usual smug tone doing wonders for Pam’s indignation.

Pam huffs, exasperated. Really, did she expect anything less from Dwight?

Everyone else has taken a step back, seeing the tension boiling between them. Pam is very close to yelling something full of obscenities and Jim’s fist is tightening reflexively in a way that Pam might have been concerned about if she weren’t so very angry.

It’s at that moment that Michael comes back from lunch, crying: “I’ve brought Cherry Garcia ice cream! It’s even Jim’s favorite which means I know him best and should get to be the godfa…” He stops midsentence, clearly noticing the scene that had already developed.

Pam whips around, feeling a glower still firmly planted and she snaps. “Michael that will _never_ happen, can’t you give it up already! We don’t want you near our kid and you don’t know us that well at all!” She yells unthinkingly.

And, well, it all goes downhill from there with lots of stomping and pouting and Michael locking himself in his office and not a few apologizes thrown all around.

***

When Dwight arrives at their house an hour after five with a pint of rocky road, one of vanilla, a small stuffed horse, and looking surprisingly cowed for him, Pam can’t not let him in with a weary sigh.

They gather in the kitchen, Pam putting away the ice cream and Jim leaning against the counter a little standoffishly while Cici babbles contently on the baby monitor in the background. Dwight doesn’t scuff his feet nervously, but he looks like he wants to,.

“Look, I think what I said may have been interpreted in a different manner than I intended it to be,” Dwight finally says in a placating manner.

“C’mon, Dwight, I thought we were closer than that by now? I mean, you are here _every day_ , you can’t say things like that. Especially when they’re untrue.” Jim states matter-of-factly and only a little hurt, to which Pam nods.

“They are so true!”

Pam laughs. “Dwight, I’m pretty sure Cici likes almost everyone so long as they don’t steal candy from her. Just because you’re good at getting her to stay asleep doesn’t mean she likes you _more_. We’re her _parents_.”

Dwight grumbles and Jim smiles before patting him on the back. “Look, you’re kinda weird and definitely not who we’d expect to put on our top babysitter list, but you don’t take her out to a play without telling us and you’re surprisingly good with her. Which means…” Jim pauses and looks at Pam curiously. “Where was I going with that exactly?”

“I think what you meant to say is that Dwight, you’re sorta our friend now and that means you shouldn’t go around insulting our parenting skills. Especially if you want to keep seeing Cici.” Pam finishes for Jim.

Dwight looks torn between indignation and alarm.

“Well, someone has to make sure Cici learns about proper sci-fi. If it were left up to you two she’d watch nothing but Gilmore Girls and Bob Ross re-runs,” Dwight finally says, which Pam knows is his version of saying ‘I’m sorry’ and was the best that they were going to get.

“Hey, you can’t go wrong with witty banter and blatant coffee addiction. How else will Cici know how to deal with college?” Jim responds defensively.

“Yes, but where are all the outer space robots?” Dwight questions as the two head into the living room. Pam shakes her head, unsure how this had become her life, but a little bit pleased that it had. Dwight wasn’t exactly who she would have picked to be there for them, but somehow it worked.

Sticking a bag of popcorn in the microwave, she grabs the baby monitor and follows them to the couch. Plopping down between them, Jim turns on the TV and begins to playback the episode of _Parenthood_ they’d been watching. Dwight scoffs to her left and mumbles something that sounds like ‘typical’.

“Hey, don’t make me put on _Golden Girls_ ,” Jim threatens playfully, twirling the remote in his hands.

“Can we at least watch the new episode of _Stargate Universe_ after this…family programming?”

“Only because you brought ice cream,” Pam replies, knowing that Jim would have taunted Dwight for a good half hour and she wouldn’t catch any of the episode if she didn’t intervene now.

A few minutes and half a bag of popcorn later, Pam is fading in and out, caught in a half-doze and resting comfortably on someone’s shoulder when Cici begins to cry on the monitor. She shifts to get up, but Dwight motions her to stay.

“I got it, you guys catch some sleep,” he says, voice not quite full of warmth but something close to it. Pam ‘Mmms’ sleepily in response, too tired to protest. He pushes her over to rest against the solid warmth of Jim before getting up. The last thing Pam recalls before slipping into a more restful slumber is Dwight softly signing ‘Old McDonald’ to Cici’s happy laughter.

***

Much, much later when Cici starts calling Dwight “Papa” to Jim’s “Dada” and Pam’s “Mama”, it’s not really that much of a surprise at all.


End file.
